It was a night of splits on Vanderpump Rules this week.
Lala Kent split with Randall Emmett and then parted ways with her sobriety; Tom Sandoval nearly split with Lisa Vanderpump over an argument that apparently involved fairy dust … and then there was Kristen Doute and her bizarre relationship with Brian Carter.
As you probably already know, Kristen let her freak flag fly in a major way while she and the rest of the ladies were in Solvang last week.
As far as we can tell, there’s a glowing orb buried somewhere in West Hollywood that serves as the source of Kristen’s sanity, and the farther she travels from it, the more psychotic she becomes.
Really, she probably just pops a whole bunch of benzos to deal with her travel anxiety, then proceeds to binge drink because this is Vanderpump Rules, and the resulting cocktail gives us Crazy Kristen.
Anyway, last week, there were not one but two men driving Loony Doute up the wall, even though they were hundreds of miles from Dutch Wine Country.
One was James Kennedy, who continues to enjoy rent-free amenities between Kristen’s ears.
The other was a bit more surprising, as Kristen railed against her longtime boyfriend, Brian Carter.
From the sound of her tirade in Solvang, it seemed that she intended to dump his semi-employed ass the moment she got home.
And when she confronted him (at Kristina’s barbecue, for some reason), Carter didn’t help his situation by insisting — sigh — that the couple’s therapist is “usually on [his] side.”
So surely, by now, Kristen and Brian must have gone their separate ways, right?
Well, not so fast.
Back in November, Doute rushed to Carter’s defense right around the time the two of them took a trip to Australia together.
“He and I definitely have a little bit of a bumpy season,” Kristen told Daily Mail Australia at the time.
“This is what I signed up for, and we have to be honest. We’re not perfect … It’s really hard to watch things back and I think we’re both a little nervous.”
Add to that the fact that just last week Carter gushed about Kristen on her birthday, and it seems that breakup wasn’t such a sure thing after all.
“Tonight’s episode was heavy. I want to reiterate that @stassi was only repeating what I had told her,” Kristen tweeted on Monday night.
“I love her & all of my girls for wanting the best for me. Carter is a really wonderful man and people go through things. Please just be kind because man, we’re all human.”
There’s a deep irony in someone who’s repeatedly reveled in kicking others while they’re down exhorting her followers to “be kind,” but that’s Crazy Kristen for ya!