Farrah Abraham made her cam girl sex debut late last year, and for obvious reasons, the Teen Mom universe is flipping the eff out.
First of all, who knew that cam girls were still a thing.
Second of all … Farrah Abraham is one? Really?!
Thirdly, did it get Farrah fired from Teen Mom?
Her employment status with MTV is apparently over, as Farrah got canned and issued a blistering parting shot (and lawsuit).
Her relationship with the truth is suspect, but all this talk of her getting fired and replaced by Mackenzie McKee got us thinking:
What was this cam girl show really like?!
Fortunately, we found out so you don’t have to. WARNING: Some of the language and imagery below may be disturbing.
CamSoda’s Finest
Whether Farrah fans found this whole live stream stunt legitimately titillating or morbidly fascinating, Abraham’s cam girl debut – which featured her pleasuring herself and much more – was a big hit for CamSoda.
(Server) Crash Into Me
More bandwidth had to be added to account for the significant amount of traffic Farrah was pulling in – 70,000 people strong. That’s right, 70,000 Internet users took time out of their lives to tune in and see Farrah Abraham shove a … sorry, more on that in just a few moments.
Her Wish List
Farrah’s “wish list” for the cam show (which is a thing, according to seedy Internet research we may or may not have just done) included travel, $3,000 for hairstyling, and a $1,000 shopping spree … in addition to the money she made from the livestream itself. Not a bad gig if you can get it. Except for the part about masturbating on camera.
Make Yourself Uncomfortable
Not everyone was a fan or came (sorry) away from the experience feeling fulfilled. “The whole thing was so awkward. The way she kept putting her hand in her mouth, the way somebody called her fat (wtf?!),” one Reddit user said. “The way she can’t figure out her camera angle and blocks it with her foot, the way she got tangled up in her bikini bottoms.” Hey, it’s her first time alright?!
Can You Even Feel Those Things?
“I don’t think her boobs have any feeling. All of it was really bad,” one sad viewer commented regarding the reality star’s enormous fake breasts. “But the worst part was how hard she was trying.”
Let’s Not and Say We Did
Other users also did God’s work by transcribing some of Farrah’s more epic quotes during the cam show, like “Let’s just look at my p—y.” Or we could take your word for it, Ms. Abraham. Let’s go with the latter.
Try Not to Vomit on Your Phone
“Can we turn on some sexy music? I wanna squirt,” Farrah actually said at one point, which made a large number of those 70,000 viewers cringe and likely made you throw up in your mouth a little just now.
Rejuvenated Vagina
The 26-year-old was very open, literally and figuratively, about her vaginal rejuvenation procedure, which is supposed to tighten the muscles down there, among other things. While a lot of fans made horrible vagina-related comments about her, things looked good down there as far as we could tell. Money well spent.
What’s With These Angles?!
“Idk why she’s struggling with her camera angle so bad,” one fan commented, apparently unmoved by the cam show. “She most likely just had her laptop on a bed with her.” Well, yeah, isn’t that the idea?
What’s With the Hair?
“I dislike this hair color so much it’s …oddly depressing,” said one Reddit user. “Just give me the shitty blonde or brunette any day over this. I actually liked the mid tone blonde she had. I also feel like the facial expressions are very strange? And why is she laughing?” So many unanswered questions here.
Something is Just … Off
Commented another CamSoda user, regarding Farrah’s chest region: “Something just seems… off about her boobs. I think it’s the tan lines, they make them seem saggy when I don’t think they really are.” Interesting analysis right there.
Magic Wand
This GIF was from Farrah’s 2013 sex tape debut. Rest assured, the 2017 show featured the return of the wand and then some. Not everything was the same about the recordings, though …
No Backdoor Teen Mom This Time
She sure gave fans a show, but apparently Farrah Abraham didn’t go through with the anal she’d promised to do during her live CamSoda show, causing the porn site to reimburse customers who watched and complained.
Like a Train Wreck
Farrah was all over the place and largely didn’t act like she knew what she was supposed to do or how she felt about it. Another user summed it up as such: “It makes me uncomfortable not because of who it is doing what she is doing, but because she was so disjointed and uncomfortable.”
Was She Drunk?!
“I’m all about the hustle,” another concerned Farrah fan wrote, “but you could absolutely tell she was under some influence and without it probably wouldn’t have done it at all.” That’s a very serious allegation, but it might have some merit, considering …
The Cam Girl Experience
Another viewer commented, saying that she knows this from experience, “She is drunk. I had to be drunk or high everytime I cammed too.” Do you think Farrah was similarly under the influence?
The Troll Was Watching
Simon Saran, Farrah’s on-off boyfriend of about a year, actually watched live and commented on screen. He wrote “great example for your daughter” and “answer your f–king phone” before she muted him. Hilarious. Asked for comment after the fact, he didn’t deny this, but said only, “if getting back into the sex industry is what’s best for her and her daughter’s future, then I hope she is making the best decision for them. Congrats to her.” Not dripping with sarcasm at all there.
Hey, What’s Jenelle Up To?!
“Huge HUGE fan of Farrah. But not this much,” one viewer commented, adding “I wonder what Jenelle is up to?” Shocking not doing cam shows. Probably getting arrested or arguing with someone online.
All For Sophia?
Farrah loves to say she’s not a porn star, just a business woman. She can do what she has to do to provide for her family; Abraham is right about that. But is it worth this? In case you’re wondering how much a cam girl gets paid for having 70,000 viewers beat … watch their sensual live performance? According to Teen Mom Talk Now and TMZ, Farrah earned $9,000 from the show itself, and that’s not including the web traffic stats. She earned additional royalties every time someone spanked … tuned in. Not bad for an hour’s work?