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Hey, are you eating? If so, you may want to stop for a moment, because Chris Christie is about to talk semen, and you do not want be shoveling a forkful of country-fried steak with gravy into your mouth when the big man gets down to business.

As you may have heard, the first Republican primary debate will be held on Thursday in Cleveland, and the swarm of desperate candidates has already descended on battleground states like New Hampshire in hopes of securing a spot on the stage.

(Only the top ten candidates will be allowed in the main debate. Results will be announced at 5 pm today.)

As far back as 2013, polls predicted that in the general election, voters would choose between Hillary Clinton and Chris Christie.

But two years is an eternity in American politics, and both candidates have been dealt their fair share of wild cards. (Or should we say Trump cards? We’ll show ourselves out.)

Thus far, Christie has avoided the Donald’s razor-sharp tongue, but if he becomes a threat, the Jersey governor is likely to face criticism for everything from Bridgegate to rooting for the Dallas Cowboys.

Christie is currently polling near the bottom of the Republican heap so he’s pulling out all the stops – and, apparently, his penis.

Check out the video above to see the portly politico discuss his use of the "rhythm method" while the fine folks of New Hampshire struggle to keep down their poached eggs.

He stops just short of unveiling his new campaign slogan: Skeet, Skeet, Skeet: Vote Christie in ’16.