From Apple to North to Spurgeon and many, many others compiled here, celebrities sure pick out some hilarious names for their kids.
Not all of them, obvi. Some go the conventional route.
But this is Hollywood, and well, we have no shortage of options while putting together a gallery of unintentional hilariousness like this.
Let’s just say that.
There sure as heck are a disproportionate percentage of little kid names that are straight up ridic, head-scratching, LOL-worthy selections.
Check out the 45 most absurd ones given by the most absurd people now and be glad they make enough money to afford good therapists:
North West
North West. The spawn of Kimye being named after a direction may be the dumbest thing in human history. At the same time, if she doesn’t grow up to have a signature fragrance called North by North West, this is not a planet we wanna be living on.
Kyd
Yes, Kyd. David Duchovny mailed that one in worse than his alleged acting on Californication.
Kal-El Cage
Nicolas Cage named one of his kids Kal-El, a fact not related to him being wasted out of his mind in this mug shot … although that could explain a lot of things.
Spurgeon
Jessa Duggar and Ben Seewald’s baby son Spurgeon is named after Charles Spurgeon, an influential Baptist preacher from the 19th Century. It also is the subject of an awesome page on Urban Dictionary, and will probably make lil’ Spurge glad he’s home schooled later in life.
Rocket Zot (or Ayer)
Avatar star Sam Worthington’s baby name choice for his first child with wife Lara Bingle Worthington – Rocket Zot – was chosen because they liked the way it sounded. That makes two of them … and probably not a whole lot more. Honorable mention to Pharrell Williams’ son Rocket Ayer.
Reign Aston Disick
Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick went relatively conventional with their first two children Mason and Penelope. For the third, however, they opted for a name fit for a Lord: REIGN Aston Disick. If only his dad weren’t the deadbeat Lord of six different rehab centers.
Royalty
Also going the regal route (and the unmarried one): Chris Brown had a baby with a model named Nia Amey. Her name is Royalty. Yes, #ROYALTY.
Sno FilmOn Dot Com Cozart
Rapper Chief Keef, who also goes by Keith Cozart, named his newborn son this mouthful – yes, Sno FilmOn Dot Com Cozart is correct – to promote his album release last year. NOTE: The album did not crack the top 100 on the Billboard charts. We’re guessing the baby name won’t break into the top 1,000,000.
Apple Martin
Ironically, Apple is both the name of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s daughter and likely the name of a food item forbidden in some rich crazy-person diet she probably follows.
Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale
We got nothing.
Bear (Kate Winslet, Alicia Silverstone and Liam Payne & Cheryl Cole)
Not only did she torture us with The Reader, Kate Winslet did her own son dirty by naming him Bear. Alicia Silverstone chose this name too. And she used to chew up her Bear’s food for him, which is also interesting albeit unrelated to this. And then in 2017, Liam Payne and Cheryl Cole got in on the ursine action.
Royal Reign
Move over Kourtney and Chris. Lil Kim also got in on the regal action … twice over! She named her daughter Royal Reign!
Blanket Jackson
Blanket Jackson is not actually the name of the youngest child of Michael Jackson. It’s Prince Michael Jackson II … not to be confused with Prince Michael Jackson I (also pictured). As for his nickname, he was wearing a Blanket while MJ dangled him over a balcony. Good times.
Jermajesty Jackson
Jermajesty. Michael’s brother Jermaine outdid him with that one.
Suri Cruise
Suri Cruise, the child of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, is a bona fide cutie. Who will have to spell and explain her name approximately 10 times per day as an adult.
Moxie Crimefighter
Moxie Crimefighter is the daughter of Penn Jillette. She is destined for a career as a determined, clever, unflappable law enforcement official. Or just a lot of ridicule.
Tu Morrow
Actor Rob Morrow named his daughter Tu. GET IT? That’s either a great play on words or the dumbest thing ever. Maybe a little of both.
Ode Mountain DeLorenzo Malone
Hunger Games star Jena Malone welcomed a son with her boyfriend, photographer Ethan DeLorenzo, in 2016 and named the little guy Ode Mountain DeLorenzo Malone. An ode to a new mountainous level of parenting?
Pilot Inspektor
Pilot Inspektor is the son of Jason Lee. That spelling you are reading here is accurate.
Princess Tiaamii
Princess Tiaamii is the daughter of busty British babe and reality star Katie Price. We feel bad.
Denim
Toni Braxton named her kid Denim. Apparently “Polyester,” “Suede,” and “Cotton” were taken.
Diezel
Toni Braxton makes our list not once but twice after she named another son Diezel. Either she botched the spelling of Denzel or she’s a really big fan of efficient but dirty fossil fuels.
Bronx Mowgli
Bronx Mowgli, the son of Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz, is named after a borough of New York City AND a Jungle Book protagonist.
Broncs Weston
Teen Mom 3 star Mackenzie McKee named her third child Broncs Weston. The dad is a rodeo rider, so … we guess that kind of explains things.
Maxwell Drew Johnson
Jessica Simpson named her little daughter Maxwell. Perhaps she is trying to overcompensate for giving her an old man’s name by putting her in this bikini.
Destry
It’s unclear if Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw’s daughter Destry was supposed to be called Destroy (or perhaps Destiny) in honor of some of the film legend’s greatest sci-fi works, only to suffer a birth certificate snafu for the ages. But we like that theory.
Banjo
Banjo, the son of Rachel Griffiths and Andrew Taylor, is not only named after a musical instrument, but probably the most absurd one to name a kid after you could think of. With the possible exception of oboe.
Destiny “Miley” Cyrus
Yes, Miley’s real name is Destiny … which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but Billy Ray and Tish probably guaranteed she’d become a stripper someday with that moniker. Of course, perhaps no name could’ve prevented the train wreck that has become her life.
Saint West
Yes, Saint West. You would have to be on crack to name your kid that if you were a normal person, but for Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, mere royalty will not do. What’s even grander and more iconic than a king? A F–KING SAINT.
Dream Kardashian
Rob named his first-ever child DREAM Renee Kardashian. Yes, Dream. More like a nightmare … and probably an even bigger one than his relationship with Blac Chyna was.
Rumi and Sir Carter
These were the names given to Beyonce and Jay’s twins. We would make fun of them more aggressively if the Beygency weren’t reading this right now. And besides, Sir Carter will be dropping lyrical bombs on all of us in about 15 years, so we might as well bow down now.
Lux Russell
Kailyn Lowry spent seven weeks of her third son’s life (and many months before that) struggling to come up with a name for “Baby Lo.” Then she settled on Lux Russell, which is almost as puzzling as the fact that she simply went ahead and announced it on Instagram out of nowhere instead of cashing in with a six-figure photo deal after all that hype. #SMH
Ember Jean
Look, we love Jeremy and Audrey Roloff so much, and their precious baby girl is lucky to have them as parents, but we had to check and see if they misspelled Amber at first. #justsayin
Chicago West
Kim and Kanye named their third child something even more ridiculous than Saint and North. Yup, she’s Chicago!
Psalm West
After North, Saint, and Chicago, Kim and Kanye completed their family with a son they named Psalm. Because of course they did.
True Thompson
Tristan Thompson was anything but true to Khloe Kardashian, but this didn’t stop the reality star from naming her daughter True.
Daxton King
Amy Duggar may not have a whole lot in common with her cousins, but one thing they share is their ability to pull out some wild names for their offspring. Daxton isn’t as bad as Spurgeon, to be fair, but … come on.
Raddix Madden
Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden surprised us all when they announced that they’d had a child together, and the hits just kept on coming when they revealed that they’d named their newborn daugher Raddix. Seriously, Raddix. Cameron is 47 years old, she’s had all that time to think of potential baby names, and she came up with Raddix. Inconceivable.
Beau Bobby Bruce Schulman
Nev Schulman, the man behind Catfish, and his wife named their first child Cleo, which is fine. Then they had a son and named him Beau, which is also fine. But Beau has two middle names, which are Bobby and Bruce. And that’s just doing way too much.
Epik Norwood
Like Nev, Ray J and his wife kicked off their baby naming pretty normally — they have a daughter named Melody. And then after that, they had a boy who, for some reason we will never understand, they named Epik. Can you imagine having a name like that AND having your dad be Ray J? It’s too much.
Slash Electric Alexander Edwards
Amber Rose had a baby with a Def Jam executive named Alexander Edwards. So what did they do when it was time to name the kid? They just gave it the dad’s name, but also they slapped “Slash Electric” at the front of it. Because that’s how naming a human works, right?
Patch Phillips
American Idol winner Phillip Phillips was slighted by his parents when they named him, so why not pass the painoonto the next generation? Following in the trend of seven-year-old girls who were given the task of naming their first kittens, Phillip gave his son the name Patch. Patch Phillips, that’s the name. Patch.
Aeko Catori Brown
Chris Brown’s first child, little Royalty, made this list, so it only makes sense that he’d be a repeat offender. He recently revealed that he’d fathered a second child, a son named Aeko Catori Brown — the first name being pronounced “echo.” Because why just give your kid a name when you can also give them the hassle of explaining how to pronounce their name to everyone they meet for the rest of their lives?
Blaze Tucker
Kandi Burruss named her daughter Blaze because “She’s gonna Blaze a path to greatness!”, but we all know that nobody is going to be thinking of that when they meet this kid. They’re going to be thinking “LOL, Blaze.”
Kulture Kiari Cephus
Cardi B definitely marches to the beat of her own drum, so when she an Offset had a baby together back in 2018, it made sense that they named her Kulture Kiari Cephus. It wasn’t right, but it made sense, you know?